Realised that I'm still defining myself, and finding myself as an artist - developing my unique flavor as an individual.
Been painting more than ever lately, but not necessarily better. As art becomes more "work: and less play...it becomes more of a challenge to create that playful freshness that is attractive in a work of art. Some of the art I've been doing later is more an exploration of media than expression of something deep and soulful. But that doesnt mean that each step isnt important. each painting is a step in a journey towards greater depth of expression, and more powerful and potent work.
It's not possible to go to that really deep place in every painting, at least for me. Sometime a series of paintings can be exploring territory that will come together further down the track. each painting has a little piece of a puzzle that will come together months or even years down the track.
Another challenge is to keep putting food on the table while making a deep and serious commitment to "seriously playing with paint". The quest to create art that has commercial value...that's a whole other dimension to work with. I think that the public usually recognise authentic art and appreciate it.
But as an artist it's hard to know what tangents will bring rewards and recognition, what will alienate and what will attract. more importantly what will have meaning and touch peoples hearts?
I feel such a beginner as an artist, and it can be very frustrating at times. I tell myself, it's not about being "the best", only- the best I can be. To take my journey one step at a time and to work at extending the limitations I work with each day.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever break through to another level? Sometimes feel like I'm going backwards instead of forwards. One step forwards, two steps back....
I'm trying to get through to a place of real joy and aliveness, and to express that in my work, returning to the freshness and innocence of a child. It's not just about art, but about life & finding a place of freedom and light within a sometimes dark and challenging world.
I hope that if I can find that magical, childlike place in my work, that I can share it with others and spread it around.
